Tony's kids
by Lucanael Del Sayan
Summary: Between two battles, a slice of fluff, a portion of Tony and his kids. Plus the Avengers in extra.
1. A normal morning

**Summary** : Between two battles, a slice of fluff, a portion of Tony and his kids.

Plus the Avengers in extra.

 **Note** : Many thanks to BiancaAparo ( (slash)users(slash)BiancaAparo) and A.L. for editing my english ! 3

-*-µ-*-$-£-

It was a normal morning in the Avengers' kitchen. Well, more like an extraordinary morning since for once, they did not have to worry about any super villains. So, they were all having breakfast. All? No! Tony Stark was missing.

Then, the elevator door opened on our latecomer. Tony hopped toward its partners, animated with a frenetic but loosely contained energy. A normal vision.

Less common were the three robots crowding behind him. As far as the rest of the Avengers knew, Dummy, You and Butterfingers never left Tony's lab.

Yet on this quiet morning, they marched into the kitchen to a group of surprised humans. Butterfingers and You carried between them a huge toaster, decorated with an abstract but very colorful pattern. Dummy held a fire extinguisher with his pliers.

Tony plugged the toaster in and made sure that it worked by stuffing several slices of bread and Pop-Tarts. The three robots pressed up against the table to observe the process. The audience was frozen in a stunned silence.

All jumped when the toast and Pop-Tarts jumped. Tony, with a proud smile, congratulated Butterfingers and You, while patting their cameras.

Turning to other humans, he explained: "Since it is the anniversary of Butterfingers and You, I let them create an object of their choice. Butterfingers made the parts and You painted the hull. Dummy, no! Put down this extinguisher immediately! There's nothing on fire here!"

The last part of the tirade was addressed to Dummy who had raised his extinguisher towards the toaster. The robot lowered his camera to the ground and emitted piteous beeps.

"Oh, stop it! This is at least the 864th time I'll explain when **not** to use a fire extinguisher!"

Dummy continued to issue plaintive beeps.

"Stop! Stop, I said! Oh, damn, I will give you a brand new fire extinguisher for your birthday if you stop this drama!"

Dummy's beeps became very acute and he raised his camera just under Tony's nose. He also began to flash blue.

Tony, pushing his camera in disbelief, "What do you mean, a blue fire extinguisher? Extinguishers are always red! Red like the fire they are supposed to turn off! "

Dummy insisted alternating between his pitiful beeps and excited beeps. Jarvis joined in: "I must remind Mr. Stark that some flames are blues. ... Like in the accident yesterday, Mr. Stark."

Tony, muttering and raising his arms to heaven: "Ok! Ok! Since you're all against me, I'll make Dummy a blue extinguisher! "

Still muttering under his breath, Tony gathered the robots and took the elevator.

The Avengers came out slowly from their stupor and looked at each other. Steve summed up the scene: "This was strangely the cutest morning of my life."

The End


	2. About Tony's lab's danger

**There're dangerous things in Tony's lab**

 **Summary** : Stark Tower has the best security system!

-TS-D-U-B-J-

The Avengers saved the world, again. They now reached the part of their mission Tony hated: debriefing by Director Fury.

Just when it was about to begin, a British voice interrupted him:

"If you allow me, Director Fury, I would like to inform Mr. Stark of an event."

Tony straightened his slumped position: "Jarvis, you know I adore you! Tell me I'm in need in my Tower!"

"I'm sorry, Sir. The situation is under control and no longer urgent. I just wanted to let you know, now that the world isn't at risk anymore."

"What situation? Was my Tower damaged?

"I think you will enjoy better if I showed you."

Jarvis took control of the screen in the debriefing room, making Fury twitch and Tony smirk.

A video-monitoring of Tony's lab appeared. Everything seemed normal and then, without warning, the camera stopped working. After a few seconds, the feed came back. Now, the point of view has changed, was in black and white and there was no sound.

"Backup camera in case safety systems would be disabled. Works on a separate generator and even Jarvis can't recover its data before breakdown is resolved." Explained Tony.

On the screen, a cloaked figure had gone down with a grapple and was applying a substance on the window. The figure went up and out of the camera's sight. The glass began to smoke and disintegrate, leaving a hole through which the mysterious person entered.

Removing his harness, he pulled out a gun before advancing carefully in the laboratory. He was just coming up to Dummy when the robot launched his extinguisher right in his face. Blinded and bewildered, the intruder stepped back and fired. Dummy, ignoring the bullets, turned on itself and knocked the intruder with his empty extinguisher.

Butterfingers picked up the intruder by an ankle and shook him. He ceased when objects stopped falling and let him fall on the ground, head first. He gathered all the objects and put them in the trash.

You, then, seized tinsel hanging out in a corner and proceeded with application to tie down the intruder. Stepping back to admire his work, he gave an unsatisfied tone. He went looking for a Christmas ball and placed it into the unfortunate's open mouth.

Dummy, meanwhile, was inspecting his extinguisher anxiously. Finally, pleased to see that it showed no scratch, he positioned it vertically above the intruder's head.

Jarvis stopped the video and stated: "I asked Butterfingers and You to collect all the window's remains, for you to study this dissolving substance."

Tony burst out laughing, causing the other to follow.

When he had recovered his breath, he stated: "My kids are awesome!"


	3. Adding a new member to the family

**Part 3: Adding a new member to the family requires adjustment (and talking)**

Feel free to imagine who you want as Tony's lover.

-)-(-

Tony peered intently at lines of code blinking on his tablet. For some time, Dummy had been acting even more stupidly than before. And this time, Butterfingers and You, usually good little robots: obedient and quiet, were following his example. Tony was determined to find out the why and the how of this change in behavior.

"If I may, Sir, I think the problem comes from elsewhere."

"If you know what's happening, Jarvis, tell me. Because here I am short of ideas!" Tony slumped on his lab's sofa. He would never admit it, but the idea that someone had managed to infiltrate his system and change its robots' code, without him noticing it, made him sick with worry and rage. He did not know if his other hypothesis (which was that in one way or another their programs were beginning to degrade) was worse or not.

"The situation has degenerated from the moment you said you had feelings for ..."

"Okay, stop! I filled my quota of discussions about my feelings ... for at least a decade! In the **very short** list of people with whom I'll talk to about it, you're in one of the last spots, Jarvis." With an apprehensive grimace on his face, Tony tried to breathe calmly. Despite his desire to escape to the other side of the world or, even better, to ask Thor if he could show him Asgard, Tony forced himself to resume the discussion.

"Okay. What my... What does _that_ have to do with my stupid robots' behavior?"

"This is the first time you admit such feelings for a person. It is also the first time you have had a relationship which lasted that long."

Tony stared incredulously into one of Jarvis' cameras.

"I received a blow on my head during our last fight, that's it, it's obviously that because I could swear I think that you're telling me that Dummy, You and Butterfingers are jealous! This is absurd! Totally absurd!"

"On the contrary, it's very logical, sir. Decades of study show that children are disturbed when the family structure changes. They then rush into many stupid acts to regain their parents' attention."

"Since when are you an expert in psychology, Jarvis?" Tony quipped, automatically.

"Since you programmed me to become an expert in all fields, Sir."

Tony's brain was struggling. It always happened when Tony had to integrate an emotional component into his analysis. Jarvis was silent, knowing from experience that it was necessary to allow time for his creator to digest this type of fact.

The silence was broken after a few minutes by a short beep. Tony come out of his stupor to find himself eye to camera with Dummy. You had seized a piece of his t-shirt with his claw. Butterfingers, meanwhile, pressed his body against Tony's leg.

The three robots stared at Tony in silence.

He eventually moved and started to pat each robot, in turn. After gathering his breath and his courage, he began to speak:

"Hmm ... It's not because I'm ..." _deep breath, Tony, you can do it_ "in a relationship ... that I'll stop coming here ... You really believe that **I** , Tony Stark, will allow someone to change my habits?"

You and Dummy nodded with their cameras. Butterfingers walked to one of the lab's closets and opened it. He pulled out a bottle of Scotch, which he brandished toward Tony.

"Oh. ... Okay, it's true that I drink less ... But I still come here as often and give you as much work as usual."

Butterfingers put away the bottle and came back pressing himself against Tony. You tightened his grip on the shirt. Dummy put his camera on Tony's knee.

"Oh, little fools, I won't abandon you, I promise you."

He resumed his patting.

After several attempts to clear his throat, he turned to Jarvis:

"Fortunately, you're more rational than they, J. Because I don't even want to imagine what you would do as a tantrum."

"... I just accepted the fact that I had no right to interfere with your relationship, sir. "Jarvis answered, his tone carefully neutral. "... To be honest, I must admit that you have chosen well, sir. I've found myself confused by thinking I would have preferred to be able to raise objections."

"Ok ... apparently you're the dumbest of the band. I count on you to tell me if I'm about to do something stupid. Or to help me when I am blind to others'… _feelings_. That is to say, every time I interact with someone." Tony finished his tirade muttering.

"So, now that you're all reassured to know you're irreplaceable ... Can we close this discussion? I definitely filled my quota for at least three decades ... Come on, at work, you lazy pieces of bots!"

Tony drove his robots away and walked to his desk, barking orders left and right.

And he would deny to the end of his days that he took care, for several days, to give equal parts of work to his four creations. Just as he would deny that this discussion took place. Or that his eyes were a little wet at the discussion's end.


	4. Jarvis wishes his brothers remains innoc

**Part 4: Jarvis wishes his brothers remains unaware of sex (he totally blames Tony)**

Note 1: Idea that came to me after reading Tales of the Bots ( /series/18990) by scifigrl47. Absolutely beautiful, go read it!

Note 2: As in the previous fanfic, imagine who you want with Tony.

Note 3: Many thanks to BiancaAparo for betaing my English.

\- * - $ - Ç £ - - - #

Tony was in high spirits. He had just finished creating a portable energy shield able to withstand at least five Mjöllnir's hits before exploding outward, thereby injuring the opponent and giving the wielder an opportunity to escape. He was a genius! And he was going to demonstrate his genius to the Avengers, who would be forced to acknowledge, once again, he was the best!

(And with a little luck, forget that he blew the test room four times, including a memorable explosion which had propelled Mjöllnir through two other buildings before crashing in the conference room wall of a third, right next to the head of the director of a large company. Tony could not remember the man's name, just the fact that Steve and Pepper had forced him to apologize to him in person and also to promise, in the future, to conduct such tests in locations other than an urban area. A promise that he intended to keep, just so he wouldn't have to apologize again.)

In short, he was in an excellent mood as he led the team into his laboratory. But the spectacle offered when he opened the doors greatly differed from the presentation of his new creation he'd bragged to the Avengers for the last two weeks.

Clint perfectly summed up the situation: "I don't know if you're aware Stark, but your robots are replaying Sleeping Beauty."

And indeed, You and Butterfingers were each armed with a paintball gun, a blue one for You while Butterfingers has a pink one. They were each in turn casting a paint's layer on whiteboard.

"I thought you hated whiteboards, Tony. If I remember correctly, you qualified them of relics of the past that were no longer used or only just to satisfy the sadistic impulses of teachers refusing to give way to new generations," imputed Bruce.

"Pepper's idea, when I told her I wanted Dummy, Butterfingers and You learn to write." Tony replied mechanically, still puzzled by its robots' behavior. "Speaking of which, where are Dummy and the other whiteboard?"

"There," said Natasha tersely, tilting her head towards a cleared space on their left.

Dummy was indeed there, busy snatching sheets coming from a printer then nailing them on the second whiteboard.

"Hm ... Okay ... Jarvis ...?" Rule # 1 when Tony's robots become procedural: Ask Jarvis what happen.

"It's your fault sir! Absolutely and totally your fault! You are the one to blame! I refuse to deal, once again, with the aftermath of your impulsive and disastrous actions! It's time that you realize you can't do anything you want without consequences! "

A decade of exasperation and frustration caused by its creator showed in Jarvis' voice. After several minutes of Jarvis recalling all the times when Tony had acted irresponsibly (and they were more than a few), Tony was finally able to cut in.

"Okay, okay! I am a completely irresponsible adult and I am grateful to you ... ... and everything you're doing to make my life easier. But I cannot fix my stupid actions if I don't know what I did."

After a pause, Jarvis gave a sigh and explained.

For the first time in the robots' life, Tony had had sex in his lab. To prevent the three robots to intervene (as they thought their creator was under attack) Jarvis had had to explain what sex was. This led to a discussion of the reproduction of human beings. Which gave Dummy the desire to be a big brother again. So, now, You and Butterfingers were arguing about the gender of a possible addition to the family (This made Tony reflect that installing them a TV set connected to the Disney channel was perhaps not a good idea.)

Meanwhile, Dummy was trying to choose a name, at this point his list includes, among others things, Curiosity, Clever, Carousel, Carmine, Coffee, Cocktail, C-3PO, Clarity, Cute, Calm, Chang'e 3, Charm, Charivari, Chaos, Clock, Californium... (In the background of Tony's mind ran the question: Why the obsession with the letter "C"?)

Jarvis let the humans hear his weariness. Especially as he explained how Dummy had apparently taught his brothers how to ignore a direct order from Jarvis.

Tony withstood this flood of information with a gaping mouth for a long time before recovering.

"Ga ... Ge ... What? ... But I don't want to be a father! I will not be father! Never! This is a totally absurd hypothesis! Unimaginable! "

In a concert of distress squeaks, the three robots abandoned their tasks and rushed to their creator, to make him change his mind.

The Avengers ran away laughing, leaving Tony to fend for himself.

End


	5. When the Avengers realize that Tony

**Part 5: When the Avengers realize that Tony has a family (and a heart)**

Summary: Set shortly after all the Avengers settled at Tony.

Note: Steve has the bad guy role here, but simply because of his ignorance. Captain America fans, don't take it the wrong way, I actually like him.

Note 2: Chapter not betaed. All mistakes are mine.

-Iron Man - Iron Man-

The Avengers had just finished repel an attack on New York when Jarvis announced to Tony:

"Sir, your lab was damaged by the fighting."

"What are the damages?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I applied the protocol SafetyB8 but... Dummy... He did not follow my instructions, sir..." Jarvis' voice choked on these words.

"Show me."

Jarvis flashed a lab video surveillance in the Iron Man helmet.

It showed Jarvis sounding the alarm as fighting neared the Tower. Immediately, three panels appeared in one of the lab's walls, each revealing an adamantium bunker. At the command of Jarvis, You, Butterfingers and Dummy rolled toward their shelter. But, suddenly, Dummy turned around and head toward one of the worktables. Ignoring Jarvis, he grabbed Tony's last project and, only then, consented to turn back and follow Jarvis' instructions.

Butterfingers and You were already protected in their personal bunker, locked by Jarvis. Dummy was just a meter away from his shelter when the lab's ceiling collapsed and buried him under rubbles.

The video went fast forward until the fights ended. It then resumed, showing Jarvis piloting most of the Iron Man awaiting repairs to secure the rest of the ceiling and clear debris. Dummy gradually appeared, revealing his battered body and his arm crushed by a steel beam. He tried to get up, panicking, but one of the Iron Man stopped him while Jarvis talked to him.

Jarvis stopped the video there, explaining:

"Dummy is conscious. I managed to convince him that moving would only worsen his condition. But he is distressed and I can not assess his systems' status."

Tony had become very pale and kept muttering:

"Stupid idiot fool robot!"

After using his fist to reduce in crumble on of the debris littering the streets, he managed to calm down enough to ask:

"You and Butterfingers?"

"Still in their shelter, sir. I keep them asleep... I... I didn't want to see or hear Dummy in this state."

"Okay. You handled it well, Jarvis."

Reopening communications with the Avengers, Tony told them he was leaving them to clean, cause he had a stupid robot to repair. Steve was indignant:

"Repairing a robot? Tony! Clearing the streets so that people can once again get out safely is more important than a simple robot!"

Tony gave him an icy stare and replied:

"The SHIELD has hundreds of agents who will be delighted to clear up the mess. There is nothing very heavy to lift in the immediate. And Dummy is not a simple robot! I've spent during seven months my intelligence, my sweat (and a little of my blood) to create him."

With that, Tony flew to his tower, closing the communication channel with the Avengers.

\- Iron Man - Iron Man -

Much later, the rest of the Avengers finally returned to the Tour, exhausted by their day.

By mutual agreement, they went to the lab, not wanting to let the situation fester with Tony.

The inventor was busy over Dummy. He affected to ignore their entrance, but he was clearly aware of their presence, his body tensed when he heard them coming.

Clint devoted himself to ask about the robot.

Tony replied dryly:

"Arm in pieces, battered hull, damaged hard drives."

"You don't have backup copies?"

"The most recent dated an hour before the accident."

Silence fell while Tony gave orders at Jarvis to prepare for the new arm manufacture.

Bruce reopen the dialogue:

"How Dummy could disobey Jarvis? I thought Jarvis had authority over all systems."

"Dummy regularly hack Jarvis protocols and refuses to obey."

Steve asked, puzzled:

"Then why didn't you changed his program to force it to obey?"

Furious, Tony finally turned toward the Avengers:

"Captain America suggesting I change the personality of my creation, I remove his free will?! Get out, all of you!"

\- Iron Man - Iron Man -

Steve found himself in the communal lounge, sheepishly mulling over the discussion. The others had fled in their apartments.

Finally, Steve asked Jarvis why Tony spoke of free will about Dummy. "I don't understand, I thought a robot was just a sufficiently intelligent machine to understand complex orders."

"It is true in most cases, Mr. Rogers. But Mr. Stark is one of the few scientists in the world to have successfully created true artificial intelligences also called AI. Dummy, You, Butterfingers and I have the capacity to define ourselves, to choose whether or not to carry out a task that has been entrusted to us. As time pass we have developed a real personality with preferences, hobbies..."

"Like when you use your sarcasm to distract Tony of one of his wild plans. Or like when You and Butterfingers built us a toaster for their birthday. Or when Dummy asked Tony for a blue extinguisher..." Remembered Steve.

"These are indeed examples of our capacity for free will, Mr. Rogers."

"Crap! Now I understand Tony's reaction! What I said was..." Steve was disgusted with himself. After a few minutes, he stopped beating himself and made a decision:

"Jarvis, could you tell me when Dummy will be repaired and Tony in a better mood? I need to apologize to both of them. "

"Of course, Captain."

End


	6. Dealing with the first crush

**Partie 6 : Dealing with the first crush**

Résumé: Some complications arise with creating a conscience.

-story-begining-

It had been a year since the Avengers had settled in Tony's Tower.

One morning Tony disembarked in the common room, followed by one of his bots. This one tried in turn to hide behind his creator and to glance over his shoulder.

They stopped in front of Natasha. Tony gave her a puzzled look while muttering to himself:

"I can't believe I'm going to see this."

Taking a resigned air, he held out his hand behind him and grabbed the robot, pushing him firmly forward:

"Okay. That's your idea, it's up to you now, You. "

You advanced timidly and presented Natasha a rectangular package wrapped in a silk cloth. The fabric was dyed with dozens of flame-like shades of red and surrounded by an emerald green ribbon.  
Seeing Natasha hesitate, he issued a series of imploring beeps. Tony supported his request:

"For Tesla's sake, accept his gift! I really don't want to have to manage a sobbing crisis! "

Natasha raised an eyebrow questioningly at Tony, who precised:

"I supervised all the manufacturing and packaging. It's not dangerous ... well, except for the others ..."

After scrutinizing You for a long moment, Natasha finally grabs the gift and unpack it carefully. Under the cloth, she discovered a rectangular box made of dark red wood. On the cover was engraved his name in green forest Cyrillic letters. Slipping the lid, she revealed a case made of a strange black cloth with green and red reflections, on which rested a double-edged black metal dagger.

Seizing it, she confirmed what her eyes had suggested, the handle was perfectly proportioned for her hands and the blade well balanced. Orienting the dagger to the light, Natasha admired the thread of the blade that she knew, without needing to test it, would be extremely sharp.

Tony, who had never been able to endure silence more than a few minutes, exclaimed:

"The dagger is of the same alloy as my armor. It can sink into concrete without becoming dull. The casing is a polymer with shape memory that cannot be torn by the blade. The bottom of the case was cut in a single block of wood, as was the lid. Silk has been specially ordered from China ..."

Tony stopped, frozen by the Black Widow's look. Without letting her gaze drop, Natasha carefully repacked the present. During those few seconds, Tony swung nervously, from one foot to the other. You adopted the same tic as his creator by balancing his head left then right then left...

Tony finally cracked and start blabbing again:

"You really wanted to give yourself this gift. He only accepted my help to order the materials. He even refused Butterfingers helping him despite Butterfingers being the family's best craftsman. You can't believe the drama it's created! Jarvis had to ask me to intervene! For two weeks, I have to deal with the jealousy crises of Butterfingers and Dummy! Two weeks that I have to encourage You! ... Because between us, while he's a great designer, he's really not good at things like cutting, assembling... Ouch!"

You had pinched Tony firmly to stop him from continuing and now gave him a disapproving look. Tony justified himself:

"Listen, it's not worth lying. Considering that Black Widow is like the top spy in spyland, she would have discovered the truth anyway. It's no use lying when you know you're going to get caught. On the other hand, when your interlocutor is credulous, you really shouldn't have any scruples. Hey, that's a good one! Jarvis, adds that to the Stark precepts."

"It's done, sir. If you could focus on the current situation, I would be most grateful." Jarvis's voice was weary and vaguely desperate.

Natasha cut short at any retort by giving a sincere smile to the young robot: "Thank you very much for this gift, You."

You remained frozen on the spot for a moment before emitting a series of incoherent beeps and going back to the lab, backwards so as not to lose a pixel of his crush's striking figure.

Tony watched the merry-go-round with an air both incredulous and resigned before stepping firmly towards the bar. (Making a detour to avoid the spy, in case she would want to test her new weapon on him.)

End


End file.
